watch me sink

i am moderately agoraphobic.
i am a severe hypochondriac.
i am far too depend.
i am avoidant, anxious, and unprepared.
i am pessimistic.
i am overwhelmed.


i think too much, and i believe that that's the root of my all my problems.


i think i'm sick. but it might just be the hypochondriac in me. but nothing seems to be working right.
i'm addicted to webMD. I've checked and rechecked every symptom I've ever had. And based on webMD, I have determined that I have several diseases. based on my overactive imagination, i have concluded that i have a fatal illness. maybe it's a heart disease, or cancer, or a deadly virus. i don't know for sure. for some reason, i just feel like, something is wrong with me and i won't live as long as i should.
the thing is that i have real symptoms that are borderline questionable, but my mind always goes to the worst possible outcome. yet, i don't think i have the courage to go to the doctor and tell her how i'm feeling because i think that it could all be in my head.
if i even suggest to my mom that there may be something wrong with me, she always says "it's because you don't exercise" which is a legitimate reason... but what if there's something more that just that? what if i have blood cancer or my atrium isn't functioning properly? what if my thyroid isn't working properly? what if there's something wrong and one date it's too late? i don't know if i want to know...